More about Jim, what kind of man did i think he was when i was 18. Very good looking, perfectly fit except his pectorals and biceps could of done a few more bench presses. His legs , butt, and face , was for most woman something to drool about. Jim laughed all the time, about everything, he seemed to be most happiest when it came around dinner time. Jim really appreciates a excellent meal presented with class. I am a kind of person who eats for fuel to do what i really want to do. Opps that was the first opposite i should of noticed.
What i should of tooken more seriously was his drinking. Jim likes to drink when we went on a date, usually a beer or tumbler of something. If he ever got tipsy, he was much more happier and sexual type, and since our relationship was only based on sex (even though in my young mind i thought otherwise), Jim never went beyond the horny/happy stage because i was always ready to oblige him.
What i found out years latter is Jim gets real happy, horny, moody, pissy, grudging, passed out, is the usually sequence of his drinking to much. (didnt figure this out so help me till i was in late 20's).
Here's another one that has seriously haunted our marriage. When jim was raised in the 70's , and being after the 60's: kids were doing a lot of pot. In high school, early college, the whole rebellion thing. Okay, this is what i truly believe and as i have had a lot of ADULT friends and acquaintances we have had this conversation: At what age do people usually stop doing the pot and alcohol of experimenting/rebellion against society/parents, and start seeing a bigger picture of life such as forgiveness for ones who wronged us in our youth.
You know what i mean, we grow up and have families, care for a children put there welfare and life before our own, be a good role model. Our generative activities, giving back to society a better world ect. So the big question, When about, does a young person stop pot and alcohol,most time it usually is done in a social setting, even if its at some one's house watching a game on t.v.????
Most say around 20 for females, and 23 for males. Is the usual norm. Some who marry in there latter 20's may straggle behind, but maturity and responsibility for our moral and social actions creep up sooner or latter.
There are the exceptions to that rule, the 60's pot smoker that has long gray hair and rides a harley or still living in his mothers house after she died and says "hey dude".
and of course:
The closet drinker or pot head who is married and goes with the guys/ or girls for there nite out.
Yep mine was the closet drinker and serious pot head. Jim still believes that if marijuana was legal he would do it everyday. Jim never ever has smoked pot around me, for he knows how i feel, but since he told me about divorce in June, he has flayed me with his liberal views enough to make me puke.
Jim i believe now has been doing pot and maybe bombs and tried other things our whole marriage, It explains his extreme mood swings, anger, laziness to do whats right for his family(i'll get into that latter), and his always being sleepy in the day. Hey ya party at night the body got to rest, even if your baby son is crawling all over you to get your attention.
March 26 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I HATE MY HUSBAND
Jim's parents were not exactly what i expected after he went on and on about them. His mother was this rather round person that had an expensive short hair cut and perspired a lot which i found latter that she is very fond of wine. His father an obvious drinker with the tumbler in hand waving and expressing his emotions by waving it about. His dad is a hugger which because of my family and my childhood trauma, older men hugging me gives me the willies, not that its his fault but i bore it with a smile.
Jim has two sisters and one brother. Jim's oldest sister Cathy completely fooled me. Jim's story was this. He had an extremely emotional older sister that was completely foolish and dramatic. Cathy had some boy friend that she went off bonkers about, parents were trying to break them up and Cathy said she was going to kill her self. (this family constantly says they are going to kill themselves) So there parents sent her off to Germany to be an exchange student. I could see the parents point, new place new people.
Cathy comes back after nine or so years. She had married an army officer and had two children and was back home in the bosom of her family in the process of divorce (this family is the king and queen of divorce), this is where I met Cathy. She seemed so very friendly, kind, Normal. She talked about her future prospects she seemed to have such high hopes, i thought her a kind soul. I was wrong.
Back to the first meeting of Jim's parents. I could tell of course his parents were sizing me up. Hey there parents, its to be expected. What I didn't care for was i could tell they believed that I came up very short. Each question had many in depth explanations. I felt I was being dissected and spit out with disdain.
Okay this is where I am going to start a little about my family. My mother was raised in a household of a very angry Norwegian. During world war II, Norway did not take sides, so every country that was in the war hated them. Sort of the way U.S. hates France now. Norway was invaded by the soviets and the Germans. My family's women were starved, raped, and some women, babies and men were killed for not wanting to take sides in the war. What my grandfather did not know was since he was in Norway he thought it was only the soviets and Germans that hated Norway. When Norway was poverty stuck after the war and with ten siblings, he had the grand idea to come to America and make his pot of gold and help his family. When he got to America, he was spit on, couldn't find a job unless it was on a fish boat or putting up pins in a bowling alley, he became a very angry man.
My grandfathers anger transfered to my grandmothers body and his daughter. Not so much his son for they are held higher in value. Sort of like the new Mexicans that come new across the border. Girls are treated as cooks, cleaners, and pawns of fathers who find there future husbands. Please don't think it doesn't happen in Texas still. Just go to a catholic church and you will see many functions for this purpose. Well my grandmother was a German American. Great huh, just what my grandfather needed, a punching bag for all his hate of German's. My grandmother took it till she was 42 years old and she left taking her very abused daughter and a bit spoiled but petty thief brother. They had 80.00 and one suitcase a piece.
So back to Jim's parents here they are asking detail questions and what am i supposed to say? Yea, my family comes from Norway and Germany on my mothers side and they are extremely poor and uneducated. The paternal side:
My fathers people are criminals, ex con's and murderer's. Yep they are. They are from Arkansas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Michigan. I have McCoy's, James', Davis', thats right the scum that people wipe there feet on. I have to say the women usually were very introverted or was that inbreeded probably both. They worked like dogs for nothing and usually had more than 10 children. Boys once again were more highly appreciated, guess they made better crooks.
So back to Jim's parents and our first meeting. What am i supposed to say? I tried to wash it over, heck I may even of embellished to make it sound like my family were normal, I do know I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Which comes to the one incident that comes to mind. The salad bowl. I have been with other dates at nice places, and the waiter always handed us a salad plate. Not bowl for our salad to eat before dinner. To say the least salad was dumped on the same plate as the other food at my parents house and as i was at a HOUSE not a restaurant I did not know people used salad Bowls. Jim's mother made a big "hew dew" about me not using the bowl, everyone laughed at my expense including Jim and my ignorance and it was just the final clincher from the drive up there with Jim being so tense, the deer, and the subtle dislike from his parents, It was a just an awful day. March 20, 2008
Jim has two sisters and one brother. Jim's oldest sister Cathy completely fooled me. Jim's story was this. He had an extremely emotional older sister that was completely foolish and dramatic. Cathy had some boy friend that she went off bonkers about, parents were trying to break them up and Cathy said she was going to kill her self. (this family constantly says they are going to kill themselves) So there parents sent her off to Germany to be an exchange student. I could see the parents point, new place new people.
Cathy comes back after nine or so years. She had married an army officer and had two children and was back home in the bosom of her family in the process of divorce (this family is the king and queen of divorce), this is where I met Cathy. She seemed so very friendly, kind, Normal. She talked about her future prospects she seemed to have such high hopes, i thought her a kind soul. I was wrong.
Back to the first meeting of Jim's parents. I could tell of course his parents were sizing me up. Hey there parents, its to be expected. What I didn't care for was i could tell they believed that I came up very short. Each question had many in depth explanations. I felt I was being dissected and spit out with disdain.
Okay this is where I am going to start a little about my family. My mother was raised in a household of a very angry Norwegian. During world war II, Norway did not take sides, so every country that was in the war hated them. Sort of the way U.S. hates France now. Norway was invaded by the soviets and the Germans. My family's women were starved, raped, and some women, babies and men were killed for not wanting to take sides in the war. What my grandfather did not know was since he was in Norway he thought it was only the soviets and Germans that hated Norway. When Norway was poverty stuck after the war and with ten siblings, he had the grand idea to come to America and make his pot of gold and help his family. When he got to America, he was spit on, couldn't find a job unless it was on a fish boat or putting up pins in a bowling alley, he became a very angry man.
My grandfathers anger transfered to my grandmothers body and his daughter. Not so much his son for they are held higher in value. Sort of like the new Mexicans that come new across the border. Girls are treated as cooks, cleaners, and pawns of fathers who find there future husbands. Please don't think it doesn't happen in Texas still. Just go to a catholic church and you will see many functions for this purpose. Well my grandmother was a German American. Great huh, just what my grandfather needed, a punching bag for all his hate of German's. My grandmother took it till she was 42 years old and she left taking her very abused daughter and a bit spoiled but petty thief brother. They had 80.00 and one suitcase a piece.
So back to Jim's parents here they are asking detail questions and what am i supposed to say? Yea, my family comes from Norway and Germany on my mothers side and they are extremely poor and uneducated. The paternal side:
My fathers people are criminals, ex con's and murderer's. Yep they are. They are from Arkansas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Michigan. I have McCoy's, James', Davis', thats right the scum that people wipe there feet on. I have to say the women usually were very introverted or was that inbreeded probably both. They worked like dogs for nothing and usually had more than 10 children. Boys once again were more highly appreciated, guess they made better crooks.
So back to Jim's parents and our first meeting. What am i supposed to say? I tried to wash it over, heck I may even of embellished to make it sound like my family were normal, I do know I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Which comes to the one incident that comes to mind. The salad bowl. I have been with other dates at nice places, and the waiter always handed us a salad plate. Not bowl for our salad to eat before dinner. To say the least salad was dumped on the same plate as the other food at my parents house and as i was at a HOUSE not a restaurant I did not know people used salad Bowls. Jim's mother made a big "hew dew" about me not using the bowl, everyone laughed at my expense including Jim and my ignorance and it was just the final clincher from the drive up there with Jim being so tense, the deer, and the subtle dislike from his parents, It was a just an awful day. March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I HATE MY HUSBAND
Well i was very very nervous to meet Jim's parents. With all my preconceived notions of what a normal family must be like, i seriously had the jitters. Part of me was screaming i did not want to meet his parents at all, and the other half was saying get over it, this is what i wanted, normal people in my life.
Funny how life throws tests at people: to tell others around you what you are made of. Course at point. There we were driving to red water Texas, and I see a small baby deer or just a little bigger than a baby deer running in daylight down the road. I'm first thinking , hey this thing must have rabies to be doing this in daylight, but as we got closer i could see the blood on its side. I say omg, Jim stop. Jim doesn't. Jim saw the deer but said his parents are expecting him, and his mother likes to keep everything on time. I look at him thinking "your nuts: we need to get this baby some help! Forget about dinner, call them and lets take care of this deer.
Well Jim finally stops after I say something like "don't you care for anything but your self?"and he backups about a mile. Jim to say the least is very pissed. I get out of the car and walk up to this seriously bleeding, obvious pulse and breathing erratic in pain deer. The deer was a little taller than a medium dog, looked like a dwarf deer at first, I think it was probably 6 months or so.
I walk back to Jim's car, he hasn't even gotten out. I asked him for his blanket he has in his trunk. (its his screw or lucky blanket he keeps for those special moments when he can get a girl to do him, now i have wondered if he ever washed the thing between girls, because i always thought it stunk, eww gross.) So jim gets out and is very very very pissed, going on and on about his parents meeting me, why am i delaying the most important impression i am supposed to be giving his parents. I'm thinking geese, we are going to be a little late, get over it. I just look at him, and is thinking, why am i with this guy? So, instead I turn around and walk over to the deer and put the blanket on the deer. The deer freaks out, guess it didn't like all those girls old pussy stains and smell, who can blame it.
Now Jim is really giving the guilt trips, the first of many of my life. He got off work just for me so he could present me to his parents. I am going to ruin everything. If I didn't want to meet his parents why didn't i just say so. He wouldn't of wasted my time driving all the way to Redwater from Kilgore Texas. The food is probably getting cold. ..... So what do i do? I am thinking i need to call a vet or we can wrap the deer up and stick it in the trunk and drop it off at a vets. Yea thats what i wanted to do. Jim freaks out, I don't want that thing in my car, and by the way constance there is a house over there ask them. The house is a bit of a walk, Jim could of drove us up there, but he didn't.
The house is a very old washboard house and needed a paint job 30 years ago. A black man met me at the door, and he looked very poor. So i am thinking well if i can't get the deer medical treatment because of my ass hole boyfriend and it is going to die, and this man can eat it for food well i guess thats something at least. I tell him about the deer, he did seem a little interested, but not enough to grab the gun from the wall of his house and shoot it, so i know it is not suffering anymore. I walk back to Jim's car, thinking this day is awful and i am getting into an unfeeling person's car who cars more for his parents opinion than the life of a helpless animal.
That was my first eye opener to tell me what kind of man Jim is. The lesson was this and to say the least I didn't get it.
1. Jim cares over much for his parents opinion's even to the cost of someone else's welfare.
2. Jim cares over much for food.
3. Jim may say he likes animals, but he is one of those guys who could say he owns a dog, but wouldn't be the one who would feed or take the daily care of it.
4. Jim is intimidated by his parents.
5. Jim thinks about the cost of everything in terms of i do this for you, and you do this for me, I am talking about the gas money he spent, and the day he asked off from work in turn I am benefited with his presence and his money he spent for me in gas and convince store chips and coke and the ultimate sacrifice his willingness for me to meet his parents. I should be so.......................grateful.
march 18 2008
Funny how life throws tests at people: to tell others around you what you are made of. Course at point. There we were driving to red water Texas, and I see a small baby deer or just a little bigger than a baby deer running in daylight down the road. I'm first thinking , hey this thing must have rabies to be doing this in daylight, but as we got closer i could see the blood on its side. I say omg, Jim stop. Jim doesn't. Jim saw the deer but said his parents are expecting him, and his mother likes to keep everything on time. I look at him thinking "your nuts: we need to get this baby some help! Forget about dinner, call them and lets take care of this deer.
Well Jim finally stops after I say something like "don't you care for anything but your self?"and he backups about a mile. Jim to say the least is very pissed. I get out of the car and walk up to this seriously bleeding, obvious pulse and breathing erratic in pain deer. The deer was a little taller than a medium dog, looked like a dwarf deer at first, I think it was probably 6 months or so.
I walk back to Jim's car, he hasn't even gotten out. I asked him for his blanket he has in his trunk. (its his screw or lucky blanket he keeps for those special moments when he can get a girl to do him, now i have wondered if he ever washed the thing between girls, because i always thought it stunk, eww gross.) So jim gets out and is very very very pissed, going on and on about his parents meeting me, why am i delaying the most important impression i am supposed to be giving his parents. I'm thinking geese, we are going to be a little late, get over it. I just look at him, and is thinking, why am i with this guy? So, instead I turn around and walk over to the deer and put the blanket on the deer. The deer freaks out, guess it didn't like all those girls old pussy stains and smell, who can blame it.
Now Jim is really giving the guilt trips, the first of many of my life. He got off work just for me so he could present me to his parents. I am going to ruin everything. If I didn't want to meet his parents why didn't i just say so. He wouldn't of wasted my time driving all the way to Redwater from Kilgore Texas. The food is probably getting cold. ..... So what do i do? I am thinking i need to call a vet or we can wrap the deer up and stick it in the trunk and drop it off at a vets. Yea thats what i wanted to do. Jim freaks out, I don't want that thing in my car, and by the way constance there is a house over there ask them. The house is a bit of a walk, Jim could of drove us up there, but he didn't.
The house is a very old washboard house and needed a paint job 30 years ago. A black man met me at the door, and he looked very poor. So i am thinking well if i can't get the deer medical treatment because of my ass hole boyfriend and it is going to die, and this man can eat it for food well i guess thats something at least. I tell him about the deer, he did seem a little interested, but not enough to grab the gun from the wall of his house and shoot it, so i know it is not suffering anymore. I walk back to Jim's car, thinking this day is awful and i am getting into an unfeeling person's car who cars more for his parents opinion than the life of a helpless animal.
That was my first eye opener to tell me what kind of man Jim is. The lesson was this and to say the least I didn't get it.
1. Jim cares over much for his parents opinion's even to the cost of someone else's welfare.
2. Jim cares over much for food.
3. Jim may say he likes animals, but he is one of those guys who could say he owns a dog, but wouldn't be the one who would feed or take the daily care of it.
4. Jim is intimidated by his parents.
5. Jim thinks about the cost of everything in terms of i do this for you, and you do this for me, I am talking about the gas money he spent, and the day he asked off from work in turn I am benefited with his presence and his money he spent for me in gas and convince store chips and coke and the ultimate sacrifice his willingness for me to meet his parents. I should be so.......................grateful.
march 18 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I HATE MY HUSBAND
I will unfortunately for anyone who actually reads this will occasionally go back in time to explain WHY i behave the way i do or the decisions i make based on my childhood and its influences, so sorry about that other wise it wouldn't even come close to making sense.
Met Jim while i was waitressing in college at a little pizza and beer joint. Was trying to make money for gas ect. Jim comes in with this other guy named mark patchel, and i found out they are both in the oil business. This area of life was totally greek to me at the time, so as a young horny 18 year old girl just let out from the umbrella of her over domineering family restrictions. Well i was just looking at jim and thinking he was HOT
We talked and started dating, if you can say it was dating, i think it was just bedding at that time, so here was my first mistake .
Mistake No. 1# never have your potential married partner and father of your children in bed before you find out what his religious beliefs are, his family beliefs are, his idea of what kind of father he wants to be, how many children he wants, and does he look at women only as sexual gratification or does he look at them as living ,thinking, important enough to REALLY listen to women.
Oh no, i didnt do that, i went straight to sex, and to be honest it was not banging great , but okay, (hint, hint) , so why did i keep dating him? He made me laugh and he was Hot to look at. And the most important, so help me god this was so messed up in my mind because of my parents, He told me his parents were teachers, and in my young mind i believed kids who have teachers as parents are from a normal family and i wanted a normal life.
have to understand, at school in pine tree school district in longview texas, all the kids who's parents were teachers or pto members were to me, smarter, more refined, was chosen to do everything, specially treated, because there parents were and are who they are.
So back to jim, here i am thinking wow, this is going to be a great gene pool for my kids, smart, articulate, my goodness this family goes nuts every time Jeopardy comes on t.v. Yep there smart, and dress nice, have nice cars, nice house. They are so....... normal, i want that....
boy was i wrong... march 15 2008
Met Jim while i was waitressing in college at a little pizza and beer joint. Was trying to make money for gas ect. Jim comes in with this other guy named mark patchel, and i found out they are both in the oil business. This area of life was totally greek to me at the time, so as a young horny 18 year old girl just let out from the umbrella of her over domineering family restrictions. Well i was just looking at jim and thinking he was HOT
We talked and started dating, if you can say it was dating, i think it was just bedding at that time, so here was my first mistake .
Mistake No. 1# never have your potential married partner and father of your children in bed before you find out what his religious beliefs are, his family beliefs are, his idea of what kind of father he wants to be, how many children he wants, and does he look at women only as sexual gratification or does he look at them as living ,thinking, important enough to REALLY listen to women.
Oh no, i didnt do that, i went straight to sex, and to be honest it was not banging great , but okay, (hint, hint) , so why did i keep dating him? He made me laugh and he was Hot to look at. And the most important, so help me god this was so messed up in my mind because of my parents, He told me his parents were teachers, and in my young mind i believed kids who have teachers as parents are from a normal family and i wanted a normal life.
have to understand, at school in pine tree school district in longview texas, all the kids who's parents were teachers or pto members were to me, smarter, more refined, was chosen to do everything, specially treated, because there parents were and are who they are.
So back to jim, here i am thinking wow, this is going to be a great gene pool for my kids, smart, articulate, my goodness this family goes nuts every time Jeopardy comes on t.v. Yep there smart, and dress nice, have nice cars, nice house. They are so....... normal, i want that....
boy was i wrong... march 15 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
I HATE MY HUSBAND
MY NAME IS CONSTANCE KENDALL and i am furious at my husband of 25 years. We have 8 children, assorted dogs, cats , and horses. ITS REALLY HARD TO BEGIN EXPLAINING, but i have to get it out and who knows maybe my angry furious words and the crisis my husband created will help someone else NOT make the same mistakes i did. But be better prepared on how to get back emotionally and financially. So far its been a journey of hell.
last june my HUSBAND tells me he wanted a divorce. Quite the dramatic day for him, looking back i see he absolutely loved the drama, the pain, and the attention. I on the other hand was in virtual shock, white face, hands shaking, knees knocking, nausea, accelerated pulse, the usual shock symptoms.
So, anyways this is going to be my story, i am going through the process of divorce, and yes i have visited those other sites to get help ect, understanding, ect. most of it can be helpful if your in the stages of blessed forgiveness. sorry folks i am just plain pissed and with a healthy thrown in of thirsty revenge, but i haven't so far, but who knows..... today is march 14, 2008
last june my HUSBAND tells me he wanted a divorce. Quite the dramatic day for him, looking back i see he absolutely loved the drama, the pain, and the attention. I on the other hand was in virtual shock, white face, hands shaking, knees knocking, nausea, accelerated pulse, the usual shock symptoms.
So, anyways this is going to be my story, i am going through the process of divorce, and yes i have visited those other sites to get help ect, understanding, ect. most of it can be helpful if your in the stages of blessed forgiveness. sorry folks i am just plain pissed and with a healthy thrown in of thirsty revenge, but i haven't so far, but who knows..... today is march 14, 2008
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